People may know my name, people may know what I look like.
They might know what I do, and what I’m interested in… but NO ONE knows who I am.
HELL, I don’t even know.
I’ve had too much time to think, Written songs that I’ll never sing.
Watched a town turn love to hate, Spilt my fucking guts just to be away.
– Dead Swans
Lately I HAVE had a copious amount of time to think. I feel very lost at the moment, kinda wondering where I fit in. I don’t see my friends enough, I haven’t really seen my family since I left home over a fortnight ago, I feel disconnected and unneeded. I keep thinking that soon enough things will change and everything will be perfect, but I look to the future and see no rays of sun on the horizon. I can’t think of anything huge that’s going to significantly influence my mood or my situation for the better.
Yeah holidays are coming up… that’s just more time for me to sit on my ass and achieve nothing.
I wan’t to know if other people feel this way, I want that comfort that someone else is lost as well.
I see so many photos on tumblr that make me realise how big this world is and how much I HAVEN’T seen. I feel so insignificant and boring, why aren’t I taking these photos, why am I sitting indoors social networking when I could be taking in the billions of endless beauties there are to be found in the world.
I feel like my uni degree is pointless, I’m not bad at it but I don’t enjoy it. Then again, I am not sure what I WOULD enjoy so I keep asking myself what to do. Should I stick it out for another year an a half and get my shitty degree? Should I change to journalism and see if I like that? Should I ditch uni all-together and fly somewhere I have never been before with no real plans just ambition and curiosity?
I think the only thing stopping me from doing the latter is my girlfriend. It’s probably a good thing, she is keeping me grounded, thinking seriously as opposed to getting myself into a stupid situation and she makes me insanely happy.
To wrap this blog up.
I have been happy lately. I have been working at Fasta Pasta and Destory All Lines, skating places, walking every where. Me and Evey went for a walk to the city, went to the suitcase rumage and I met up with Ben. Today I went to the shops and bought heaps of food. Made a wicked aubergine parmigiana for dinner. I have been taking lots of photos and doing a bit of shopping. Tomorrow I am going to post an awesome blog I have had in my drafts for a while.
But I am selfish, I am greedy. I want more. I want to find belonging and meaning.
I want to find myself.
– So many places to go.